THE GREEN BIRD OF HAPPINESS

the beggar man and his mighty king

are only different in name

for they are treated just the same by fate.

today a smile and tomorrow tears,

we're never sure what's in store

so learn your lesson before it's too late; so..


be like I, hold your head up high,

till you find a bluebird of happiness.

you will find greater peace of mind

knowing there's a bluebird of happiness!

and when he sings to you,

though you're deep in blue

you will see a ray of light creep through,

and so remember this,

life is no abyss -

somewhere there's a bluebird of happiness..


from Bluebird of Happiness
lyrics by Edward Heyman & Hans Parr Davies



The bluebird has long been associated with luck, fortune, and happiness; the mythology dates back thousands of years. The Navajo people even consider it sacred. Bluebirds aren't native here in South Texas so I've found my personal replacement, the green jay. According to the range map for the green jay, he's not supposed to be native here either; I'm a ways north of his normal stomping grounds. I spotted him for the first time not long after we moved in, and I was captivated! I had to look him up in the bird book to identify him, never having seen one before. "Unmistakable, with brilliant green body and golden outer tail feathers", declares the book. I declare him a rock star of the bird world! Even someone who normally wouldn't give a thought to birds would be impressed. I have spotted him (I like to think of it as the same bird, however unlikely) several times since, always in the same tree. And each time, a thrill runs through me and anyone in the house must stop at that instant whatever they are doing and "Come see!!!"


That makes me think of true joy and happiness; something we all want but that can seem hard to come by. It has occured to me that the little moments we sometimes are so quick to overlook can be as pure and profound as the really big things we yearn for. (true love, a great new job, that long-awaited vacation..) Those things are made up of so many moments they can't possibly be perfect or purely joyous. For every moment spent lounging in a tropical paradise or swooshing down the slopes, there is a moment spent earning the cost of the trip, packing, waiting in the airport or trying to track down the lost luggage. For lots of folks (perhaps more shes than hes :) the wedding is the cherry atop the sundae that would be true love (haha! Am I not a wordsmith?) Maybe the ceremony will be perfect! (maybe not; just watch World's Funniest Home Videos sometime!); but the months spent deciding, planning and arranging will not be. OK.. you get my point! Complete, total, pure joy can fill a moment, maybe an hour, rarely a day.


But the moment I catch sight of my gorgeous green friend is pure! The only downside is that I can't have him appear at my whim; I can only be thrilled and appreciative when he does. And I am! I last saw him about two weeks ago. My common sense tells me the green jay(s) are around here because I'm so close to the river, a great source of food and cover which will from time to time cause them to wander a bit north of their normal range. My HEART tells that the green jay, from time to time, will come up here to pay ME a visit; to see how I'm keeping up with things and beguile me in his day-glo green - just because he knows he can and maybe - just maybe - it makes his day too! Love, RED


A PASSING GLIMPSE

I often see flowers from a passing car
that are gone before I can tell what they are.

I want to get out of the train and go back
to see what they were beside the track.

I name all the flowers I'm sure they weren't;
not fireweed loving where woods have burnt -

Not bluebells gracing a tunnel mouth -
not lupine living in sand and drouth.

Was something brushed across my mind
that no one on earth will ever find?

Heaven gives its glimpses only to those
not in position to look too close.


Robert Frost

I CAN'T WAIT!

Anticipation -
It's a ticklish thing really; quivering,exciting,waiting; until it dies - killed by it's own self - lost through the virtue of being there.
Dal Perry


Such is the state of life, that none are happy but by anticipation of change; the change itself is nothing. When we have made it, the next wish is to change again. The world is not yet exhausted; let me see something tomorrow which I never saw before.
Samuel Johnson
1709-1784


I don't say "I can't wait!" that often. I try not to get too excited about that which is yet to be lest I be disappointed. Not that I'm a pessimist: I'd just rather enjoy things without comparing them to my expectations. I call that "The Prom Syndrome". Back in high school, everyone made such a fuss over the prom. Who are you gonna go with? What are you gonna wear? Where are you gonna eat? Can he borrow the car? (unlike these days, lots of kids didn't have their own cars:) The two proms I went to were a bust. My junior year my dress was strapless and wouldn't stay up (I had to keep my arms pressed to my sides) and at the restaurant I ordered something I didn't like. (I was trying to be wordly) The following year on the way to my Senior prom we had a wreck! (crashed right into fancy Officer's Club sign!) Somehow the prom could never quite match my grand expectations!

The football dances, on the other hand, were a blast. Straight from the games we rushed back to the school for a dance with an amateur DJ that lasted, at most, an hour and a half. No one was dressed up; we didn't need a date; we got there in whatever friend's car had room. The drive across town was the appetizer! The small amount of anticipation was a good thing because it hadn't been growing for days or weeks, it only began once back in the car and en route to the school. Maybe that boy I'd been flirting with in Science would ask me to dance!! Anyway, the football dances didn't have alot to prove and I have many happy memories of them. Not so much the prom :)

I am however, allowing myself to get excited about a new business opening just down the road. It's the Lone Star Country Store! I don't know what a Lone Star Country Store is. Nobody does and I can't find any info online either. I was curious when they broke ground back in the fall. I was hopeful when the "Coming Soon!" sign went up. I was excited when the Purina checkerboard was proudly displayed on the building! Today there are cars in the parking lot (employees in training?!?!) and from the quick glance I could manage while driving by, I think the shelves are stocked!! I'm thrilled!! I think it's going to be a giant feed store and I'm hoping maybe it will open on Saturday!!! I can't wait! I hope whatever the Lone Star Country Store is, it will live up to my expectations of it, which are only that it be the cutest, most charming giant feed store ever with everything I need always in stock! OK :) In the real world, it will sell feed and be a right turn off the congested Farm to Market road I drive daily. That IS something to anticipate!! Love, RED

The "F" WORD

Of the seven deadly sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel; both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back - in many ways it is a feast fit for a king - the chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.

Frederick Buechner

Today is beautiful! Gorgeous! perfect! Days like today make you forget what summers here in South Texas are like! A small convention of female grackles were hanging out by my car when I came out of the grocery store this morning. I always feel a little sorry for them; they're so drab and scroungy compared to the glammed-up males. I took a couple of croissants out of my basket to feed them. As I stood tearing bite-size pieces, the sunshine and the barely cool breeze felt heavenly! Had there been a park bench I would have sat down with the ladies and we would have finished the croissants off; maybe I would have even closed my eyes for a few minutes! An absolutely perfect spring day in January!

Last night I finished reading Forgive and Forget by Lewis B. Smedes, a book my mother lent me last week. A great book; I thoroughly recommend it. The other day right as I pulled the car into the garage The Heart of The Matter by Don Henley came on the radio. I sat in my car to hear it out. On Sunday our Pastor's sermon was about righteous indignation, justified anger, our need to see someone get what they have coming, and the necessity of forgiveness. Yesterday a mockingbird actually said "forgiveness" while I was doing my chores. OK, OK, the mockingbird part I made up! But it may as well have - that's how often I've been receiving little reminders these days :) Yes.. allright! I'm listening. I hear it through the thoughts of tomorrow's to-do list, getting the school uniforms washed and in the dryer, and where on earth can I find the water filter cartridges the icebox is asking for (?). There's something I need to take care of. How about you?

there are people in your life who've come and gone

they let you down and hurt your pride

better put it all behind you; life goes on

you keep carrying that anger

it'll eat you up inside

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter

but my will gets weak

and my thoughts seem to scatter

but I think it's about forgiveness - forgiveness

even if - even if - you don't love me anymore

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter

because the flesh is weak

and the ashes will scatter

so I'm thinkin' about forgiveness - forgiveness

even if - even if - you don't love me anymore

Don Henley

from The Heart of the Matter

I'm thinkin about it too. Love, RED

GEORGIA ON MY MIND

At the time it seemed to me as though the flower I was painting was the only thing in the world. I didn't think of it as small.

Georgia O'Keefe 1937

I was fortunate enough to see a Georgia O'Keefe exhibit about four years ago while living near Fresno, California. The exhibit was unusual in that the paintings featured, thirty-three of them, were all from private collections. Some of them had never been shown in public before. I wasn't a particularly huge fan of Ms. O'Keefe's work before that day, but I was by the time I left. I spent about three hours there and left with a transformed view of the use of color and scope. I really have not enjoyed painting anything small since!

I painted this over a year ago to go over my mantle with the cow skull I found in my friend Jodi's dumpster...(Uh...if you're done with that could I have it?") It is painted on OSB, the pressed wood product, which is my favorite "canvas" these days. O'Keefe often juxtaposed flowers and bones in her work. My painting is not meant to be a copy, although I did use her 1928 Oriental Poppies as a source of inspiration. I like the way it turned out and I like the feel it gives the room.

My true love is drawing and painting animals, especially the ones with hooves. Horses, cattle, antelope, deer, sheep and goats; I think they are all beautiful and could spend all day looking for pictures of different breeds and species in books or on the internet. I know that might sound a little strange, but just substitute your own passion (jewelry, scrapbooking, golf, etc.) and you can see where I am coming from!

Anyway... I'm thinking about large paintings of animals with a Georgia O'Keefe feeling to them. For now, all I'm doing is thinking; that is, thinking while trying to get completely caught up on projects I should have already finished. I want to begin with a clean slate. Ah.. procrastination.. but that is a whole 'nother post! I don't know if this kind of art would interest anyone or not, but I have learned that trying to create what you think people will want is going about it all backwards; you've got to create what YOU want. Or "I" want, as the case may be! Love, RED

IF THREE IS A CROWD, WHAT'S FIVE?

All goats are mischievous gate-crashers, and tresspassers. Also they possess individual character, intelligence, and capacity for affection which can only be matched by the dog. Having once become aquainted with them

I would as soon farm without a dog as without a goat.

Dave Mackenzie 1954

About a week after we moved in our house, I bought three yearling nanny goats. The back portion of the property was so brushy you couldn't even see the far fence. Nosy, Pansy and Posie made quick work of the back and these days they have part of my neighbor's acreage to keep them busy as well. Nosy was bottle-fed as a kid and let's just say she is named appropriately! She's into everything, afraid of nothing, and more than a little pushy! I don't think she likes males too much; she chases after the boys whenever they go out back and she reared up and butted my dad when he had the audacity to push her off the hood of his pickup! I love goats and they do add alot of personality to a place. They remind me so much of cats, and they can be just as clever. If you are not sure a fence is secure, put a goat in it and watch. If there is a weak spot, the goat will find it. I got my first goat, Dolly when I was about ten. Dolly was my best friend and the first of several goats I have had the pleasure of knowing throughout the years. I've always had a special place in my heart for goats!

About two weeks ago one of the girls from our church youth group asked me if I might want another goat. "Esteban" had not put on enough weight to make it into the Jr. Livestock show. Because he was the smallest and needed a little extra care, my young friend and her sisters had grown attatched to him. Well, my goats don't cost much to keep. Most of their diet they rustle up themselves out back so I only offer supplement feed. They take good care of themselves, and aside from a monthly worming, rarely need veterinary care. Like I said, they are alot like cats. So, really...why not? "Bring Esteban over and we'll see how it works out." Two weeks later he's happy, we're happy; it's all good. That makes four...

This afternoon we took the youth group bowling. One of my favorite kiddos asked me if I could take his goat too because he also did not make weight. I replied that I didn't think I should take another goat. I had agreed beforehand to give our friend a ride home so there really wasn't a way out of "just meeting Lil' Baby Goat" (that's his name). On the drive home he told me the little goat looks like a Dalmation so that piqued my curiosity. By the time we got to the house I was excited the see the little feller! Yeah... you probably already know the end :) He's little, he's spotted, he's cute... uhh... he's ours. He'll probably be moving in in a couple of weeks. That makes five...

There may not seem to be anything wrong with that unless you are a person that looks at trends. I know at least twenty kids that show goats each year. Most buy an extra (back up) goat who keeps the other company but after the show goat is auctioned off, well, they have an extra goat. Can you see where I'm going with this? Fast-forward ahead five years and I have thirty or forty Jr. Livestock show-reject goats living it up out back and not contributing a heck of a lot to the household! And then there were five...Oh mercy me! Love, RED

CONTENTED JOHN

One honest John Thompkins, a hedger and ditcher,

Although he was poor, did not want to be richer.

For all such vain wishes in him were prevented

By the fortunate habit of being contented.

Though cold were the weather, or dear were the food,

John was never found in a murmuring mood;

For thus he was constantly heard to declare -

What he could not prevent he would cheerfully bear.

"For why should I grumble and murmur?" he said;

"If I cannot get meat, I'll be thankful for bread;

And though fretting may make my calamities deeper,

It can never cause bread and cheese to be cheaper."

If John was afflicted with sickness or pain,

He wished himself better, but did not complain,

Nor lie down to fret in despondence and sorrow,

But said that he hoped to be better tomorrow.

If anyone wronged him or treated him ill,

Why, John was good natured and sociable still;

For he said that revenging the injury done

Would be making two rogues where there need be but one.

And thus honest John, though his station was humble,

Passed through this sad world without even a grumble;

And I wish some folks, who are greater and richer,

Would copy John Thompkins, the hedger and ditcher.

Jane Taylor 1783-1824


Jane Taylor lived for forty one years. It seems to me she picked up alot of wisdom during that time. I found this poem a few years ago in a great big scrapbook that my great grandmother, Hettie McWright Thurman kept. I inherited "Big Granny's Book" when my grandmother had to downsize and move from her home into an apartment. You'll be hearing more about Granny! Anyway, this poem struck me right off because it's so simple and straightforward. We all know (on some level) that living as John did is the way to go. Not only do others want to be around us when we are so good natured and tolerant, we like ourselves better too and therefore are happier.

At this point in my life I feel I have, for the most part, achieved John's "fortunate habit of being contented". I don't spend much time wishing for what I don't have. I have simplified my life alot, and continue to do so. Possessions are funny; we always seem to crave more, but in reality the less we have the lighter and happier we usually feel. Taking care of stuff takes so much time. Worrying about stuff and the money it takes to get and maintain it keeps us from living in the moment. No, I don't live in a tepee down by the river; I have stuff! But way less than I used to have and that has, although I couldn't have seen it would turn out this way, made me happier. I appreciate what I do have so much more now.

When it comes to my ability to "cheerfully bear", I have a ways more to go! That old standby, the Serenity Prayer, contains all the wisdom we need to deal with the circumstances and relationships we experience that can be so frustrating, maddening, and even heartbreaking. The true gift of forbearance remains just beyond my grasp! Accepting "what is" can be tough! The catch is knowing the difference between what can be changed and what cannot, and that is much easier said than done! I read recently that complaining is just a release valve that, while essentially changing nothing, lets off enough pressure that we can continue to endure that which we probably should change. I complain at times and I know it sure doesn't make "cheese any cheaper". It does probably dampen the spirits of those who have to listen though. I'm still working on that!

Thank you Jane, for your remembrance of John Thompkins; I for one want to copy him! Love, RED

THIS IS DEDICATED TO THE MARN I LOVE...

An unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates

No, that wasn't a typo. Not the "man" I love (I haven't had one of those in a long time!) but the Marn I love! Marn suggested - maybe even insisted- that I should start a blog of my own. She says I'm always telling funny stories and that I have an authenticity about me (that IS what you said, isn't it?). Well, if you decide to spend any of your time reading my ramblings then you can be the judge! Along with the ever entertaining day-to-day, I am often consumed with more lofty thoughts such as the purpose of my life, the direction my art should take, and exactly what my duty is to this planet and all the other living creatures (humanity included) sharing it. Those of you who have had to endure those conversations into the wee hours sorting through this with me just might feel relieved. Yall know who you are! You can still keep up with my latest thoughts; this will just be more user-friendly than those long phone calls. You can make a run for the border in the middle of a really serious post and I won't even get offended. You could even go to sleep! I know everyone with a blog gets hate mail (provided they have readers) so I'm up for any snippy comments. Just let me say that I write like I talk so there will be lots of parenthesis, exclamation points, arbitrary punctuation, "alot"s and "yall"s. I hope that in spite of my writing style YALL will love it! (alot! :) Love, RED

PS: All photos, artwork, poetry, views, etc. posted on this site are my own unless otherwise credited :)